According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
This essay should get four points. The structure is very clear and perfect. In addiction she uses some graphs let us easy to understand. Thus, the basic and proper research supports her arguments.
How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
I think there are a lot of statistic data in each paragraphs, reducing a few of them and taking some examples will better than before.
Thesis
What is the thesis?
Information come from media can be harmful because usually it contains exaggerated and sensational contents. Therefore, we should critically accept media by setting one’s own criterion.
Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes.
If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
Accepting the information from media is not always benefit for us.
Any other thoughts?
This essay is very interesting and funny. Before I read this essay, I did not know the media is harmful for us. Moreover, through her researching and essay I learned a lot.
Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
Her classical arguments are very good. However, when I read narration, I find some mistakes. There are too many information and statistic data at her narration. Through some statistics data or the other information making us easy to understand is very good point. But I think when she writes her narration should examine both sides of issue or some popular opinions on both sides say.
Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
The introduction catches my attention. She uses Malcolm X’s word to let us attention to her essay, it is very good point. Moreover, her thesis is very clear and comfortably.
Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Yes, but if she tells us some opposes’ opinions or the other issue about the opinion of the affirmative side, it will better than now. But, generally, her narration gives all the necessary background information to understand the topic.
Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes. She uses good explanation to support the thesis. Moreover, at the narration or the other paragraphs use many statistics data or the words of experts adequately to support the thesis.
Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
I think the counterpoint is very logical. She compares the people who are the affirmative side to argue that the media do not affect human and the people who are the negative side to take some information and explanations let us easily to accept her arguments. Her refutation responds in a reasonable manner. Therefore, her refutation is very reasonable.
Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
Yes. I think her conclusion is saying that the dangerous of information from some of the media, moreover, she gives us enlightenment that we cannot avoid the media in today’s society. Therefore, we should have critical eyes to accept the media. Finally, she focus on using request to tell the dangerous of media.
What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
Her essay is already very good. However, there are too many statistic data or some researches in each paragraphs, therefore, if she reduces a few of them will be better than before. Moreover, I think when she writes essay, she can use some easily questions to ask the reader do they understand.
Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agree with the thesis.
When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I still agree with the thesis.
If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
I did not change my mind. Because I learn more logical and reasonable arguments about the thesis through the essay.
How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
The author enhances her arguments using the information that is some of the information is harmful at the media. In addiction she takes some children as an example to tell us the dangerous of media. Her persuasive is very nice.
Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes
Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes.
Are the sources obvious?
Yes, the sources are obvious.
Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Yes. Her researches and the words of experts who are Choudry and Malcolm X are relevant to the thesis and her essay.
Are there any parts
of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
I
think at the second argument should be more information or explanation for her
essay be better. She takes one example to support it. I think she need to evidence
to support her claims.
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