According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
This essay can get four points. Because the context is very good, thus, the theme is very funny and the researches and arguments are very clear.
How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
Because this essay is about school bullying. Therefore, I think if the author increases her examples about school bullying at school, in addiction I think if she defines the words of some words of psychological, such as zero tolerance policy( we are already know about it, but there are other people will be confused of it), essay would be better.
Thesis
What is the thesis?
Psychological approach is a better way to resolve school bullying than punishment.
Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes.
If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
Psychological approach is better than punishment when we resolve school bullying.
Any other thoughts?
Her essay is very interesting. First of all, her researches are very reasonable and her examples are very proper. Moreover, I think because I am a student, so understanding this problems is better than other ones.
Her essay is very interesting. First of all, her researches are very reasonable and her examples are very proper. Moreover, I think because I am a student, so understanding this problems is better than other ones.
Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
Her structures are very good. Moreover, the classical arguments are very clear and easy to understand. However, I think if she uses the words of psychological experts at the refutation will be more persuadable.
Does the
introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
The introduction catches my attention. She thinks that all of us are students. Therefore, she talks about our daily life in school to start the essay. Thus, her thesis statement are very logical and lead to very comfortably.
The introduction catches my attention. She thinks that all of us are students. Therefore, she talks about our daily life in school to start the essay. Thus, her thesis statement are very logical and lead to very comfortably.
Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Yes. At her narration, there is enough information to tell the background of the topic. Moreover, she uses proper statistic data to support her narration.
Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes. She uses good data to support the thesis. Moreover, her arguments are very hard and supporting her arguments uses logical explanation. Therefore, she adequately supports the thesis statement of the essay.
Does the refutation
and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the
counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
I think the counterpoint is very logical. She compares the people who should be punished students who bully others and the people who should not be punished them, we should through psychological to resolve the problem. She considers the other side’s opinions very clearly and refutes them.
I think the counterpoint is very logical. She compares the people who should be punished students who bully others and the people who should not be punished them, we should through psychological to resolve the problem. She considers the other side’s opinions very clearly and refutes them.
Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
Yes. I think she uses the data that the bullied students feel suicide. Through this data, she wants to support her topic that resolves school bullying through psychological is better than punish them.
What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
Her essay is already very perfect. I think if she uses more the fact examples about school bullying, the essay will be more reinforcement.
Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I disagree with the thesis.
When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agree with the thesis.
If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
When I read the second parts of the essay, I feel that effects of environments also influence adolescents psychologically and then cause school violence. Therefore, I changed my mind.
How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
The author uses more fact examples to support her arguments will be more persuasive than before, I think.
Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes
Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes.
Are the sources obvious?
Yes.
Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Yes.
I think it already very nice.
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