Week 11 objectives- Self Evaluation

Self Evaluation Template 

1.What score do you think you deserve?
   
   I think I deserve 1 point. My classical arguments are not logically, and my research is inadequate and not enough to support my arguments.    

2.What did you do well?

  I think my introduction is good. I use some adages to attract the audiences. And I think I use some interesting example to support my arguments.    

3.What could you have done better?

  I need to do more research about this topic, especially, finding some experts' ideas. And I should be based off of some personal feelings.  

 

4.Which part of the classical argument did you use the best?

  I think my confirrmation is the best, which I used. Because there are three logical arguments and I use some interesting examples to support my opinions.

 

5.Which part of the classical argument did you use the most poorly?

  

  My narraion is very week. Because it does not have enough information to explain to readers.

6.What’s your strategy to make your second draft better?

  I should research more informtaions for every paragraph, and then I will correct some erro (some wrong grammars). After that,  I should make some good sentences to support my opinions, do not repeat the same sentences in the same paragraph. Finally, let me arrange my strategy, they are the first, researching, the second, finding grammar erroes, lastly, paraphrasing! Do not repeat the same sentences. (try)

 

First Draft

Topic: Is "Jealousy" the most dangerous emotion for human mind?

   All of human are the animals that have ability of jealousy. This strange emotion is revealed by some adages which are "The grass is always greener on the other side" and "Turning green with envy". Look around ourselves, now day, we can feel this emotion from our friends, families, teachers or some stars and so on. However, most of people have no regard to the dangerous of jealousy. They usually think of the fight and murder due to jealousy is only happening between the animals. However, there is an example to show us people's jealousy is also very dangerous. There is a boy continuously prose to a girl. But he makes her cloying. So, she deliberately makes a fake boyfriends to letting him give up her, However, this behavior makes the boy jealousy. Finally, he cannot control himself to kill this girl and her mother at her house. After my story, I will ask you a question, "How do you react when you feel jealousy?" Today, I will insist "jealousy is the most dangerous emotion for human mind." to tell you about it.

   Before I insist my arguments I tell you more detail about jealousy. Most of people did not recognize the different between the words of "envy" and "jealousy". I explain them with some interesting examples. First, envy requires two parties, like you and that neighbor, when you want her new car and you wish you were the one riding around with the top down. Second, jealousy requires three parties, like you, your neighbor, and your husband, when not only do you wish you had that cool car, but you're worried your husband is going to ride off into the sunset in it without you. Moreover, jealousy is a innate emotion. You try to control it, but it is very difficult. And like the example of the introduction, jealousy is very dangerous. Thus, if we blind in jealousy no time to care ourselves. Finally, we will work on the suicide road.

   According to the introduction and narration we can know one fact that jealousy is a dangerous emotion. There are three reasons why I insist jealousy is the most dangerous emotion for human mind.

   First, jealousy will hurt people. In detail, we can distinguish the people that are two types of them. They are myself and the others. First, jealousy hurt the others. When we watch the Korean drama or some kinds of movies and books. The characters also are jealousy the other side. There are typical example about jealousy in the Korean drama:

        Lately, at the most popular Korean drama "Qi Empress", we watch that
        in drama all of people are jealousy of others. For example, the king of
        Yuan Dynasty is jealousy the king of Goryeo. That was because of the
        one woman.We can find his feeling from his eyes and his behaviors.In
        addiction, because the deficiency of loving, the queen of Yuan Dynasty
        tries to kill her through an assassination.

    
  Like this example, there is not usually killing others. The king is revealed his jealousy through his emotion and behaviors. In contrast, the queen is revealed her jealousy through murder others. For this examples, we can know at the same situation and context, people show different reaction. Second, jealousy also can hurt myself. When I continuously compare myself with others, If I finish it through all of my efforts, I also think about "His result is better than me. I am poor at all of them, I am fool." Gradually, those who compare themselves with others will feel despondency, even those will choose suicide.

    
  Second, we accept the facts to distort due to jealousy. People usually hear and see someone's other sides, such as when the students talk about a very pretty star. Then, you will say that her face is not a nature, she did a plastic surgery. Like this, you will deny the fact. This is also a funny story about denying the fact.

   
         There is one sweet potato and one potato. Walking around the roads,
         they see a beautiful glutinous rice cake. Potato says, " Glutinous rice 
         cake is very pretty. Look, her face is so fluffy and white!" However, the
         sweet potato think of herself and jealousy her, says "She is not pretty!"
         Hearing the chatter, glutinous rice cake is shy and avoiding the space.
         At that time, sweet potato see some white powder fall out from glutinous 
         rice cake's body and says, "Look, that is making up!"

   
  For this example, we can know one fact. When people jealousy others, they usually distort the facts. This story is only a light topic, however, when we come into our personal relationships or political problems, the result we cannot image.

   
   Finally, jealousy will raise social confusion. Most of our bad emotions are coming from jealousy. For instance, upset, angry, sadness, despair and so on, we can feel them through jealousy. However, we cannot believe that the first of child in the world is a murder.(in the Bible) He also jealousy his only brother to make this result. Here are the story about them.

   
         Temptation of Adam and Eve have two suns, they are Cain and Abel.
         Cain is a farmer and Abel is a shepherd boy. Both of them perform 
         ancestral rites to God using their labor result. However, the God only 
         accept Abel's one. That is because Cain only perform perfunctory, 
         there is not any elaboration. But Cain cannot know his mistake, he is 
         jealousy his brother. Finally, he kills his own brother, just due to jealousy.

   
  Moreover, in the reality, there are also a lot of people killing others just due to jealousy, like Cain. We need to recognize our mistakes, thus, when we face with jealousy, first of all, it is not hurt or complain to others, it need to control your mind and contemplate yourself first. Then, it will not make any confusion for our society and country.

   However, the opponents will argue that jealousy is not the most dangerous emotion for human mind, it will help us to have a motive for our behaviors, it means jealousy is our power. I concede their arguments. Because sometimes we get some motivation from jealousy. For example, there is a boy who have an older brother. When he saw his brother read books, the little boy also followed him to read book. This behavior is not only because of his curiosity, but also he jealousy his older brother due to his mothers' compliment. However, like these three opinions, I will not look best these brothers behaviors. The emotion, jealousy, is very dangerous, it also can build up. Moreover, this younger brothers' jealousy also can reveal to different types. For example, when the younger boy saw his brother make compliment from his mother. He will reveal his jealousy like tearing off his brother's books. For this reasons, sometimes I concede the opponents' arguments, but like this example, most of times show us the jealousy is the dangerous emotion.

   In brief, jealousy damages the mind and body of human, denies the facts and causes some problems. Therefore, I insist the jealousy is the most dangerous emotion for human mind. Then, there are not any solutions to solve this emotion? There some tips for you. When you experience jealousy, it means you are not trust yourself, you don't have any powerful confidence. To overcome it, you need to take some mind that you are every precious in the world and you are very valuable. If you cannot overcome yet, then how about talking with your friends? However, you also need to remember the dangerous of jealousy.

Week 10 objects - Conclusion

5. The summation, which provides a strong conclusion, amplifying the force of the argument, and showing the readers that this solution is the best at meeting the circumstances.

My summation 

  

  In brief, jealousy damages the mind and body of human, denies the facts and causes some problems. Therefore, I insist the jealousy is the most dangerous emotion for human mind. Then, there are not any solutions to solve this emotion? There some tips for you. When you experience jealousy, it means you are not trust yourself, you don't have any powerful confidence. To overcome it, you need to take some mind that you are every precious in the world and you are very valuable. If you cannot overcome yet, then how about talking with your friends? However, you also need to remember the dangerous of jealousy.

Week 9 objects - Refutation and Concession

4. The refutation and concession, which looks at opposing viewpoints to the writer’s claims, anticipating objections from the audience, and allowing as much of the opposing viewpoints as possible without weakening the thesis.

My refutation and concession

   However, the opponents will argue that jealousy is not the most dangerous emotion for human mind, it will help us to have a motive for our behaviors, it means jealousy is our power. I concede their arguments. Because sometimes we get some motivation from jealousy. For example, there is a boy who have an older brother. When he saw his brother read books, the little boy also followed him to read book. This behavior is not only because of his curiosity, but also he jealousy his older brother due to his mothers' compliment. However, like these three opinions, I will not look best these brothers behaviors. The emotion, jealousy, is very dangerous, it also can build up. Moreover, this younger brothers' jealousy also can reveal to different types. For example, when the younger boy saw his brother make compliment from his mother. He will reveal his jealousy like tearing off his brother's books. For this reasons, sometimes I concede the opponents' arguments, but like this example, most of times show us the jealousy is the dangerous emotion.

Week 8 objects - The Confirmation

3. The confirmation, which lays out in a logical order (usually strongest to weakest or most obvious to most subtle) the claims that support the thesis, providing evidence for each claim.

My confirmation

  According to the introduction and narration we can know one fact that is jealousy is a dangerous emotion. There are three reasons why I insist jealousy is the most dangerous emotion for human mind.

  First, jealousy will hurt people. In detail, we can distinguish the people that are two types of them. They are myself and the others. First, jealousy hurt the others. When we watch the korean drama or some kinds of movies and books. The characters also are jealousy the other side. There are typical example about jealousy in the korean drama:

  Lately, at the most popular korean drama "Qi Empress", we watch that in drama all of people are jealousy of others. For example, the king of Yuan Dynasty is jealousy the king of Goryeo. That was because of the one woman. We can find his feeling from his eyes and his behaviors. In addiction, because the deficiency of loving, the queen of Yuan Dynasty tries to kill her through an assassination.

  Like this example, there is not also kill others. The king is revealed his jealousy through his emotion and behaviors. In contrast, the queen is revealed her jealousy through murder others. For this examples, we can know at the same situation and context, people show different reaction. Second, jealousy also can hurt myself. When I continuously compare myself with others, If I finish it through all of my efforts, I also think about "His result is better than me. I am poor at all of them, I am fool." Gradually, those who compare themselves with others will feel despondency, even those will choose suicide.

  Second, we accept the facts to distort due to jealousy. People usually hear and see someone's other sides, such as when the students talk about a very pretty star. Then, you will say that her face is not a nature, she did a plastic surgery. Like this, you will deny the fact. This is also a funny story about denying the fact.

  There is one sweet potato and one potato. Walking around the roads, they see a beautiful glutinous rice cake. Potato says, " Glutinous rice cake is very pretty. Look, her face is so fluffy and white!" However, the sweet potato think of herself and jealousy her, says "She is not pretty!" Hearing the chatter, glutinous rice cake is shy and avoiding the space. At that time, sweet potato see some white powder fall out from glutinous rice cake's body and says, "Look, that is making up!"

  For this example, we can know one fact. When people jealousy others, they usually distort the facts. This story is only a light topic, however, when we come into our personal relationships or political problems, the result we cannot image.

  Finally, jealousy will raise social confusion. Most of our bad emotions are coming from jealousy. For instance, upset, angry, sadness, despair and so on, we can feel them through jealousy. However, we cannot believe that the first of child in the world is a murder.(in the Bible) He also jealousy his only brother to make this result. Here are the story about them.

  Temptation of Adam and Eve have two suns, they are Cain and Abel. Cain is a farmer and Abel is a shepherd boy. Both of them perform ancestral rites to God using their labor result. However, the God only accept Abel's one. That is because Cain only perform perfunctory, there is not any elaboration. But Cain cannot know his mistake, he is jealousy his brother. Finally, he kills his own brother, just due to jealousy.

  Moreover, in the reality, there are also a lot of people killing others just due to jealousy, like Cain. We need to recognize our mistakes, thus, when we face with jealousy, first of all, it is not hurt or complain to others, it need to control your mind and contemplate yourself first. Then, it will not make any confusion for our society and country.

Week 7 objects - The Narration

2. The narration, which summarizes relevant background material, provides any information the audience needs to know about the environment and circumstances that produce the argument, and set up the stakes-what’s at risk in this question. In academic writing, this often takes the form of a literature review.

My narration

   Before I insist my arguments I tell you more detail about jealousy. Most of people did not recognize the different between the words of "envy" and "jealousy". I explain them with some interesting examples. Frist, envy requires two parties, like you and that neighbor, when you want her new car and you wish you were the one riding around with the top down. Second, jealousy requires three parties, like you, your neighbor, and your husband, when not only do you wish you had that cool car, but you're worried your husband is going to ride off into the sunset in it without you. Moreover, jealousy is a innate emotion. You try to control it, but it is very difficult. And like the example of the introduction, jealousy is very dangerous. Thus, if we blind in jealousy no time to care ourselves. Fianlly, we will work on the suicide road.

Week 6 objects - The Introduction

1. The introduction, which warms up the audience, establishes goodwill and rapport with the readers, and announces the general theme or thesis of the argument.

My Introduction

  All of human are the animals that have ability of jealousy. This strange emotion is revealed by some adages which are "The grass is always greener on the other side" and "Turning green with envy". Look around ourselves, now day, we can feel this emotion from our friends, families, teachers or some stars and so on. However, most of people have no regard to the dangerous of jealousy. They usually think of the fight and murder due to jealousy is only happening between the animals. However, there is an example to show us people's jealousy is also very dangerous. There is a boy continuously prose to a girl. But he makes her cloying. So, she deliberately makes a fake boyfriends to letting him give up her, However, this behavior makes the boy jealousy. Finally, he cannot control himself to kill this girl and her mother at her house. After my story, I will ask you a question, "How do you react when you feel jealousy?" Today, I will insist "jealousy is the most dangerous emotion for human mind." to tell you about it.

Week 4, 5 objects

Finish week 1,2,3 and 4 objects.

Week 3 objects - Classical Argument Outline

1. The introduction, which warms up the audience, establishes goodwill and rapport with the readers, and announces the general theme or thesis of the argument.

   I will start with some adages aboutthe jealousy and talk about today we show this jealousy from our around people. Thus, I will show some data about people’s mortality and a crime rate due to jealousy. (Or show some data which is the rate of despondency people) This way is emphasizing that jealousy is dangerous emotion. And then, Iwill make a question that is relative with the topic such as "When are you feeling the jealousy?" or "How do you reaction in jealousy?" like this. Finally, I will end my introduction with "Jealousy is the most dangerous emotion for human mind".

2. The narration, which summarizes relevant background material, provides any information the audience needs to know about the environment and circumstances that produce the argument, and set up the stakes-what’s at risk in this question. In academic writing, this often takes the form of a literature review.

  I will compare the words’ definition, "envy"and "jealousy". At here, I will emphasize the dangerous of jealousy. Then, I will ask a question "why we will be jealousy other?"After that, I will tell you the types of jealousy, there are 3 types. End of the narration, I will say that people usually cannot control their emotion, especially jealousy. And we need to careful control it and recognize its dangerous. Even the people who are jealousy of others very stronger will no time to care himself and make him fall into suicide bombing.

3. The confirmation, which lays out in a logical order (usually strongest to weakest or most obvious to most subtle) the claims that support the thesis, providing evidence for each claim.

I will argue three reasons why I insist jealousy is the most dangerous emotion for human mind.

1. Jealousy not only hurt other, but also hurt myself. (It makes me to fall into despondency. I will take some examples about jealousy hurts others.)

This reason's main point is jealousy hurts people. In detail, I will distinguish people such as myself and the other. Then, I will show some examples and data about each others and tell the readers the different effects of jealousy. First, jealousy hurts the other I will take some example about korean drama and some statistics (it is now days). Thus, I will go into detail about different types of jealousy how to affect to people. Most of them are hurting people. Second, I will show some examples that people feel despondency due to jealousy. And even some people choose suicide. (show some statistics)

http://trendhr.egloos.com/viewer/564514

(통계 자료-질투로 인한 사망률)

2. We accept the facts to distort due to jealousy.

http://www.catholictimes.org/view.aspx?AID=260532&ACID=719

(감자와 고구마 이야기)

I will take an example about people usually accept the facts to distort by themselves. And finding some experts' speech about it. Thus, I will explain why I said this argument. (Finding some funny examples)

3. Jealousy will raise social confusion.

http://blog.naver.com/maria8244?Redirect=Log&logNo=220160579696

(카인과 아벨 이야기)

I will show some example of the story of the Bible. ( And one accident happen in the korea.)(A boy killed a girl due to she deny his propose, even she deliberately makes a fake boyfriend, this behavior makes the boy jealousy. Finally, killing her.) These examples can make some people recognize the dangerous of jealousy. And I will insist most of mistakes or the emotion are based with jealousy.

4. The refutation and concession, which looks at opposing viewpoints to the writer’s claims, anticipating objections from the audience, and allowing as much of the opposing viewpoints as possible without weakening the thesis.

I concede the opponents' argument that are talking about the jealousy is the motive to our behavior. It means the jealousy is our power. Then, I will show some examples about the excessive jealousy is not helping us to have a motive, but it will dangerous for people.

5. The summation, which provides a strong conclusion, amplifying the force of the argument, and showing the readers that this solution is the best at meeting the circumstances.

End of my article, I will briefly arrange my arguments(little bit stronger). Giving some solution, even though we cannot control our own emotion, especially jealousy. However, taking some experts' speech to tell readers. End of the summation, I will refer my thesis statement.

Week 3 objects – Articulation

1. My argument

I want to argue that there are many people feel despondency, even frustration due to the jealousy. It is not only damage themselves, but also the society will suffer great losses that are kind of people’s mortality or a crime rate and so on. I want to emphasize that many people are always jealously other, there are no time to love themselves.

 

2. How I found my argument

When I watched Korean drama "Qi Empress" at weekends, I find one fact that is at drama all of people are jealousy of others. For example, the king of Yuan Dynasty is jealousy of the king of Goryeo due to love. In addiction because of the deficiency of loving, the queen of Yuan Dynasty tries to kill her. Moreover, some opposition forces are blind with the authority, naturalistically use the king. We can see all of these accidents are based from jealousy. Therefore, Imake the arguments that jealousy hurts myself and others, thus, it will raise the sociality problems.

3. New research questions

1. What are the pros and cons of the emotion about jealousy?

2. Does jealousy murder some people?

3. Which conditions make the jealousy?

4. Connections to the Harvard Sampler

I think my topic is relative with the "Human mind".

Week 3 objects – Reserch

http://blog.naver.com/feelaesth?Redirect=Log&logNo=100198300077

(하울의 성)

https://mirror.enha.kr/wiki/%EC%A7%88%ED%88%AC

(구글)

http://www.catholictimes.org/view.aspx?AID=260532&ACID=719

(감자와 고구마 이야기)

http://trendhr.egloos.com/viewer/564514

(통계 자료-질투로 인한 사망률)

Week 2 objects

Topic: Is "Jealousy"the most dangerous emotion for human mind?

 

 

What is my current topic?

Human is an animal that have ability of jealousy. This strange emotion is revealed by some adages which are "The grass is always greener on the other side", "Turning green with envy". It means there are many ancestors already known this innate emotion thatis jealousy. Now day, we can feel this emotion from our friends, families, teachers or some stars and so on. Moreover, because of it, sometimes, we hurt my around people; sometimes, it hurt myself and sometime, we can get some motives to a thing.

What are my guiding questions?

1. What are the pros and cons of the emotion about jealousy?

2. Are they having any kinds of jealousy?

3. Which is the most dangerous for us?

What are my current thoughts?

My opinion of this topic is that jealousy is the most dangerous emotion for human mind. Although jealousy can make some motives to our plan, the innate emotion which is jealousy is the most dangerous emotion for human mind.

What is the opposition?

Opponents would say that if the people did not have jealousy, they would not be able to love each other. They will also complain that if I define the most dangerous emotion is jealousy, then how about rage or revengeful?

Week 1 objects – 1. Brainstorming

Research Questions

 

All of emotions are innate?

What is different between envy and jealousy?

Why the people jealous the others?

What emotion is the most dangerous for human?

Is "jealousy" the most dangerous emotion for human mind?